"I know! It was Joanna, in the parlor, with the salad tongs..."

"...or perhaps it was Brian, in the kitchen, with the lint roller!"

Yes. It's been confirmed. Joanna is now the star of a CSI Video Game! For all those hibernating bears out there, CSI stands for Crime Scene Investigation, and it happens to be a R-rated show (due to sassy crime scene language) on CBS featuring William Peterson and that I-don't-take-no-bull redhead. The game will be released who knows when, and it's bound to be AWESOME. We expect all of our blog enthusiasts to go to amazon.com right this second and purchase the game in advance (just kidding - that's not even possible...).

Shoot locations took Joanna to a $$$$ hotel on Ocean Avenue (I tagged along and read a book on the beach - score!) and a creepy casino 'til 4:30 in the morning. And, thanks to the magic of cinema, Joanna's monologue was shot in front of a green screen, which means that the techies can splice in a digital background image: a room full of snakes a la Indiana Jones, a small town circus, Darfur, etc. Her monologue was so successful (or - strike that - executed so well) that, at the end of her speech, the director turned to the five pompous, sunglassed producers behind him and said,

Director: "Now that's a Tisch education."
Joanna: :)

For the fans of video games out there (and even those who are not but have wonderful imaginations), the casino scene will act as the menu page. In other words, when Chuck - we'll call him Chuck - gets the CSI video game for Hanukkah (Chuck is not tied to any particular religion but celebrates Hanukkah because he's allergic to pine needles) and sticks the CD into his D: drive, this casino scene will pop up. Chuck will see Joanna and her co-actors standing around in the casino, tossing their hair and checking their nails and being "normal" ("normal" at 4:30am, that is). And if Chuck desires, Chuck can click on Joanna's character, and the camera will zoom in on Joanna and go to her green screen monologue, with a Prince of Persia backdrop, accented with Moroccan pillows and rugs and shirtless, chiseled men lying around carelessly, feeding themselves grapes off the vine, or something like that.

So now Joanna's too cool for school, as you can imagine. She drives to Trader Joe's in Lamborghini's that she rents by the hour and gets the peasants to pick the apples for her...

No, not at all. Joanna's the same old Joanna, except she's now an official LA actor with her first paying gig. She's quite the star. We (i.e. I) are/am so proud.

Other than Jo's $ gig, she's been tearing up auditions left and right, reading for the girl next door, the girl who the boys nearly collapse over, and the girl who might have killed what's-her-face. In this town, they call that RANGE.

As for me, I've been finding new modes of entertainment around the house:

1. Teasing Scooter with a string.
2. Watering the plant.
3. Reading a collection of short stories called Bang Crunch.
4. Teasing Scooter with headphones.
5. Showering.
6. Teasing Scooter with Boar's Head deli meat.

While Joanna's been called in 10-12 times since I last checked in here, there have been no auditions for me. And there's no rational explanation. And there's no "fixing" it. After all, there's nothing to fix. It's all a game, in some respects, and part of winning the game is knowing how to stay occupied during the off-season. Sure, it's a bummer, and it does wear on a person's self-worth and self-esteem, but I'm blessed. See, I have Jo to tell me that those little voices in my head are totally bull, and then she takes me out to a vegetarian lunch, and I can't help but smile.

Writing has kept me plenty busy, partly due to our crappy parking situation: I take 8am street cleanings as an opportunity to drive over to Starbucks, park at the cheap meters and write for 2 hours without interruption or distraction. And while I was adventurous this week, testing out the skinny mocha (in essence, a sugar-free cafe mocha), I won't ever get it again, that coffee was foul, I swear, like drinking straight out of the utter, done and done.

Let's pause here for our *Question of the Week*:
Q: Which flavor of Orbit gum does Brian like best?
A: Raspberry Mint, with Mint Mojito a close second.

Joanna and I now use the gym to keep up with the Democratic race, swapping between CNN and MSNBC as we vary the incline on our ellipticals. Although our state favors the Clintons and our Governator endorses McCain (Brian's been working out more often for fear of getting drafted come Nov. '08), we both are Obamans. We support his policies, but more importantly, we subscribe to his all-around positive attitude, his charisma, his innate sense of words and language and his understanding of the American people and his desire to change....

(disclaimer:)

...BUT WE LOVE ALL CANDIDATES. LOVE LOVE LOVE. TO AVOID CONFUSION, OR POLITICALLY INFUSED EMAILS, PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT WE LOVE THEM ALL, ISN'T THAT RIGHT HONEY?

Joanna: We sure as heck do. We love that them there Baptist minister and his little church-going posse. Why, I wish they all could be president together. The priest and the white lady and that black fellow can all shack up in that big ol' White House, like that episode of Three's Company I love so well...or was that Blazing Saddles...?

Brian: (turning to Scooter) Now that's a Tisch education!

(end disclaimer)

No movie recommendations this week, but I have been listening to Iron & Wine's The Shepherd's Dog and the new Sigur Ros 2-disc set, and both come highly recommended to those who appreciate my music taste. We just got home from our local pub, Busby's (our Miracle Mile location pictured at right), where we watched Duke embarrass the Carolina Tarheels (shame, shame, shame). Sadly - because the Lakers game wins the Popular Vote here in midtown LA - we're forced to listen to the game in silence, reading the coaches' lips, interpreting their Scorsese-style mannerisms and whatnot. But no trouble there, as Joanna slams her fists against our corner table at each free throw and knocks over beers in between periods, grabbing the attention of our waitress Chuck (we'll call her Chuck) and our fellow Lakers fans, almost as a declaration, like,

Joanna: "WE DESERVE TO BE HERE, TOO! SO THERE!"
Brian: "Yeah, and I'll take the check, thanks."

Good news - straight from the trenches - is that Jo has a few auditions lined up for the rest of the week and I have one as well! Hers include a Korean mock-umentary (enough said) and another one that (based on the title) is either about 'how well cars drive' or 'what drives our lives' .... we'll keep you updated.

Mine is a USC graduate student film. I'm auditioning for the role of Adam - a kid who grew up on the wrong side of tracks in South Boston. Adam, who's now 24 (but "weathered like 30," the scripts tells us), spent 3 long years in the slammer, and though he wants to "do good," he now finds himself acting as chaperone to an out-of-state drug deal that goes terribly wrong. In my sides - i.e. my audition material - I'm trying desperately to get my friend Deacon off the thinning ice before it cracks while the third member of our blow-dealing crew keeps me at arm's length. Or gun's length. Oh, and his name is Shotgun.

Yes, THIS is my first audition in a week. Beggars can't be choosers. Welcome to LA.

love and hugs and stuff,
b and j and s