New apartment, new persona, new post

Hello dear, wonderful, patient readers!

PATIENT READERS: "Christ! That took forever!"
ME: "What? What took forever?"
P.R.: "You've been slacking, writer-man! You've been off gallivanting again!"
ME: "Gallivanting? What is this, the medieval times? I wouldn't even know how to gallivant."
P.R.: "You better have finished that screenplay for Jo..."
ME: "Ummm. I ... I was ... I thought -- "
P.R.: "Oh, just get on with it..."

Well, for all the ladies out there (yeah, you know who you are), let me begin with this fun fact: for the past 48 hours, Joanna has been on set with Uncle Jesse of Full House fame. That's right, girls, get out those hankies: John Stamos is in the house! And he was hitting on Joanna all day. Awesome!

JO: It's not that he's better-looking --
ME: Uh-huh.
JO: -- but he looks nice in scrubs. It's ER, so it's high-intensity. There's a lot of emotion. There's a lot of medical jargon, like CCs and BMP and STDs. There's a lot of perspiration and...
(pause)
ME: Hun?
JO: Uh, I have to go.

You heard it here first, folks. Jo hopped (or rolled noisily) out of bed at 4:30am to drive up to the WB lot, where she was gallivanting about on the set of ER. Her roles included but were not limited to:

Hospital Visitor
Photo Double to Other Girl Who We Thought Was Famous But Isn't

Typically, when a casting agent chooses a photo double, the ideal candidate is someone who matches their double in height, hair length and hair color (most helpful in shots from behind or over-the-shoulder frames). Well, I guess 1 out of 3 ain't bad. Turns out the woman Jo is doubling for is redheaded and wears her hair down to her buttocks. Their solution? Find another redhead with buttocks-length hair?

No. That would be much too efficient. No, instead, they dye Jo's hair red and give her hair extensions. That's the ticket!

Meanwhile, on a different part of town, I brainstormed the perfect heist in the USC grad film, The Layabouts. We didn't have Stamos or ambulances or bedpans as props, but we shot a scene on the USC campus, on a sidewalk littered with doggy discards, and in our director's living room, where we ate Greek food and drank Scotch - or Coke Zero mixed with seltzer water. Bleh. We all have to start somewhere...

HEY! Last week we filmed a commercial! Our dear, wonderful patient readers - yes you, you saucy little YouTube voters, you - have now seen the 1-minute spot for the eight hundredth time. The spot was filmed as part of YouTube/Schick's "Get Experimental" Contest, which asked Average Joe's and JoJo's to put their heads together, make a video about the hot effects of the new Titanium Razor/Trimmer, and perhaps win $25,000 cash. HIGH-FIVE!

We shot the footage last week on Brendan's handheld HD camera between the hours of 11pm and 4am (when else would one find a deserted bathroom?) in a third floor men's room at Chapman University's Dodge Film School building in Orange, CA - a 40-minute drive from midtown Los Angeles. Brendan directed and edited the material over a course of several days, which was a royal pain in the butt to say the least. Go Brendan! Double high-five!

All in all, we want to thank you for donating your precious time and your upturned thumbs to our little video. And if you have yet to see it, shame shame shame! Go here pronto:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Qgn-VQXC-Sc

Joanna's brother Patrick (from here on, PW, in honor of ER) chose to spend his spring break here with us on the West Coast: sleeping on the world's most comfortable air mattress, having lunch on Venice Beach, seeing some exceptional improv at the world renowned iOwest, and dragging us around the city on a vintage shopping binge. PW picked up a McDonald's "5K Race" t-shirt (ironic anyone?) while Jo bought herself a skirt made out of the best of the worst of men's ties. Of course, our FIRST destination after picking up PW at the Bob Hope Airport was the Hollywood landmark Pink's, where we indulged in foot-long dogs with chili and all the trimmings. There goes a week's worth of working out...

We were also VIP guests at a live taping of the hit show, The Big Bang Theory, which was quite the treat. Not being the avid TV watchers we once were (ah, childhood...), we weren't sure what to expect or how we'd react. But the show was very well-written, and the actors were both clever and spontaneous.

Our "audience emcee" for the evening (this was new to us too) was a man named Mark, whose primary purpose - besides being ultra creepy - was to remind us that our laughs are important to the taping, that we need to keep them fresh and to "hear the dialogue for the first time." He also came equipped with 10,000 stale jokes and asked courageous audience members to come up to the front and compete for a chance to win $20 (whoa! careful with the spending there Warner Brothers!). Jo and I declined the opportunity, but PW's a brave chap with no shame whatsoever.

Mark: "Patrick here is going to dance for us!" (whispers to PW:) "And take your shirt off when you dance!"
PW: "What?!"
Mark: "Yeah, it'll be great, just undress a little."

Not wanting to disappoint the crowd (in particular, the women's lacrosse team from PA), PW removed his pink dress shirt - one button at a time - removed his belt and performed a quasi-erotic pole dance with Mark's microphone stand before being named the dance-off winner. Mark eventually cheated him out of the $20 prize, but it's the thought that counts, right?

After the taping, as we stepped out of the BBT building and onto the WB outdoor lot, PW was assaulted by nine or ten woman over 40 who thought his skills were impressive. Go PW! You can check out his "mad skills" in our Schick video, billed as:

NINJA TOO IMPRESSED WITH SHAVE TO CONTINUE BATTLE
or
NINJA #3

You'll all be pleased to hear that Joanna has - through her own perseverance, natural good looks and suave afternoon attire - found herself a commercial agent! Beginning now, Joanna will be represented by the Brass Agency, who will also consider signing her as a legit (i.e. theatre and film) client once they're more familiar with her work and know that she's both talented and reliable, which - of course - will be no trouble at all.

So, kudos to Jo! The next time any of you pass her at the mall or the movies, be sure to give her a pat on the back and shout, "Brass!" Supposedly it's the secret handshake.

Oh, right, and we decorated our apartment! One of our plans for the new place was to build a project table that would accommodate two computers, a printer and basic office supplies and would have some storage space as well. Emulating a sweet, $1100 structure from the Pottery Barn catalog, Jo and I purchased $100 worth of stack-able, white "cubbies," which would act as the legs. We then stumbled upon two discarded, 7' L x 2.5' W pieces of natural wood, which were perfect for the tabletop. I stuck a few nails here and a few washers there and it was complete! Check it out:
>>>
$1100 plus delivery VS $100 and a little elbow grease?
Take that, Pottery Barn!

Even better, we documented all of our purchases. 90% of our belongings come from the sweet men and women who utilize the Los Angeles Craigslist "For Sale" section, though a number of the smaller items were donated. Below is an ode to Joanna's mother, Dale, who has taught her children - more than anything - to (a) behave and to (b) get the best deals on EVERYTHING.

So here goes:

Bed frame, mattress and pillowtop: $200
Paint supplies (pear green in LR, santorini blue in BR): $73
Microwave: $50
23" TV/DVD Player: $50
Secondhand IKEA table w/ four multi-colored chairs: $50
Entertainment center: $40
Four (two tall and two small) rice paper lamps: $40
Two dressers with two matching nightstands: $30
(this $30 includes a $5 we feel like we're robbing you blind tip)
Living room end table: $17
Bathroom vanity: $15
3-tier bookcase: $10
...and a full-sized, pull-out couch like the ones our grandmothers used to have: $20

(Mmm. Beige.)

Gratis:
3 decorative lamps
Pop-up kitchen table
Cushioned desk chair
End table
Collection of jars for sugar, sweets, etc.
Two sets of dishes
Matching glassware
Pots/pans collection
Sushi Plates
Knife set
Toaster
Coffeemaker
Napkin holder
Iron/Ironing Board
ALL FREE

Furnishing an apartment for under $600: Priceless.

love,
b&j&s

"the jungle perch"