New apartment, new persona, new post

Hello dear, wonderful, patient readers!

PATIENT READERS: "Christ! That took forever!"
ME: "What? What took forever?"
P.R.: "You've been slacking, writer-man! You've been off gallivanting again!"
ME: "Gallivanting? What is this, the medieval times? I wouldn't even know how to gallivant."
P.R.: "You better have finished that screenplay for Jo..."
ME: "Ummm. I ... I was ... I thought -- "
P.R.: "Oh, just get on with it..."

Well, for all the ladies out there (yeah, you know who you are), let me begin with this fun fact: for the past 48 hours, Joanna has been on set with Uncle Jesse of Full House fame. That's right, girls, get out those hankies: John Stamos is in the house! And he was hitting on Joanna all day. Awesome!

JO: It's not that he's better-looking --
ME: Uh-huh.
JO: -- but he looks nice in scrubs. It's ER, so it's high-intensity. There's a lot of emotion. There's a lot of medical jargon, like CCs and BMP and STDs. There's a lot of perspiration and...
(pause)
ME: Hun?
JO: Uh, I have to go.

You heard it here first, folks. Jo hopped (or rolled noisily) out of bed at 4:30am to drive up to the WB lot, where she was gallivanting about on the set of ER. Her roles included but were not limited to:

Hospital Visitor
Photo Double to Other Girl Who We Thought Was Famous But Isn't

Typically, when a casting agent chooses a photo double, the ideal candidate is someone who matches their double in height, hair length and hair color (most helpful in shots from behind or over-the-shoulder frames). Well, I guess 1 out of 3 ain't bad. Turns out the woman Jo is doubling for is redheaded and wears her hair down to her buttocks. Their solution? Find another redhead with buttocks-length hair?

No. That would be much too efficient. No, instead, they dye Jo's hair red and give her hair extensions. That's the ticket!

Meanwhile, on a different part of town, I brainstormed the perfect heist in the USC grad film, The Layabouts. We didn't have Stamos or ambulances or bedpans as props, but we shot a scene on the USC campus, on a sidewalk littered with doggy discards, and in our director's living room, where we ate Greek food and drank Scotch - or Coke Zero mixed with seltzer water. Bleh. We all have to start somewhere...

HEY! Last week we filmed a commercial! Our dear, wonderful patient readers - yes you, you saucy little YouTube voters, you - have now seen the 1-minute spot for the eight hundredth time. The spot was filmed as part of YouTube/Schick's "Get Experimental" Contest, which asked Average Joe's and JoJo's to put their heads together, make a video about the hot effects of the new Titanium Razor/Trimmer, and perhaps win $25,000 cash. HIGH-FIVE!

We shot the footage last week on Brendan's handheld HD camera between the hours of 11pm and 4am (when else would one find a deserted bathroom?) in a third floor men's room at Chapman University's Dodge Film School building in Orange, CA - a 40-minute drive from midtown Los Angeles. Brendan directed and edited the material over a course of several days, which was a royal pain in the butt to say the least. Go Brendan! Double high-five!

All in all, we want to thank you for donating your precious time and your upturned thumbs to our little video. And if you have yet to see it, shame shame shame! Go here pronto:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Qgn-VQXC-Sc

Joanna's brother Patrick (from here on, PW, in honor of ER) chose to spend his spring break here with us on the West Coast: sleeping on the world's most comfortable air mattress, having lunch on Venice Beach, seeing some exceptional improv at the world renowned iOwest, and dragging us around the city on a vintage shopping binge. PW picked up a McDonald's "5K Race" t-shirt (ironic anyone?) while Jo bought herself a skirt made out of the best of the worst of men's ties. Of course, our FIRST destination after picking up PW at the Bob Hope Airport was the Hollywood landmark Pink's, where we indulged in foot-long dogs with chili and all the trimmings. There goes a week's worth of working out...

We were also VIP guests at a live taping of the hit show, The Big Bang Theory, which was quite the treat. Not being the avid TV watchers we once were (ah, childhood...), we weren't sure what to expect or how we'd react. But the show was very well-written, and the actors were both clever and spontaneous.

Our "audience emcee" for the evening (this was new to us too) was a man named Mark, whose primary purpose - besides being ultra creepy - was to remind us that our laughs are important to the taping, that we need to keep them fresh and to "hear the dialogue for the first time." He also came equipped with 10,000 stale jokes and asked courageous audience members to come up to the front and compete for a chance to win $20 (whoa! careful with the spending there Warner Brothers!). Jo and I declined the opportunity, but PW's a brave chap with no shame whatsoever.

Mark: "Patrick here is going to dance for us!" (whispers to PW:) "And take your shirt off when you dance!"
PW: "What?!"
Mark: "Yeah, it'll be great, just undress a little."

Not wanting to disappoint the crowd (in particular, the women's lacrosse team from PA), PW removed his pink dress shirt - one button at a time - removed his belt and performed a quasi-erotic pole dance with Mark's microphone stand before being named the dance-off winner. Mark eventually cheated him out of the $20 prize, but it's the thought that counts, right?

After the taping, as we stepped out of the BBT building and onto the WB outdoor lot, PW was assaulted by nine or ten woman over 40 who thought his skills were impressive. Go PW! You can check out his "mad skills" in our Schick video, billed as:

NINJA TOO IMPRESSED WITH SHAVE TO CONTINUE BATTLE
or
NINJA #3

You'll all be pleased to hear that Joanna has - through her own perseverance, natural good looks and suave afternoon attire - found herself a commercial agent! Beginning now, Joanna will be represented by the Brass Agency, who will also consider signing her as a legit (i.e. theatre and film) client once they're more familiar with her work and know that she's both talented and reliable, which - of course - will be no trouble at all.

So, kudos to Jo! The next time any of you pass her at the mall or the movies, be sure to give her a pat on the back and shout, "Brass!" Supposedly it's the secret handshake.

Oh, right, and we decorated our apartment! One of our plans for the new place was to build a project table that would accommodate two computers, a printer and basic office supplies and would have some storage space as well. Emulating a sweet, $1100 structure from the Pottery Barn catalog, Jo and I purchased $100 worth of stack-able, white "cubbies," which would act as the legs. We then stumbled upon two discarded, 7' L x 2.5' W pieces of natural wood, which were perfect for the tabletop. I stuck a few nails here and a few washers there and it was complete! Check it out:
>>>
$1100 plus delivery VS $100 and a little elbow grease?
Take that, Pottery Barn!

Even better, we documented all of our purchases. 90% of our belongings come from the sweet men and women who utilize the Los Angeles Craigslist "For Sale" section, though a number of the smaller items were donated. Below is an ode to Joanna's mother, Dale, who has taught her children - more than anything - to (a) behave and to (b) get the best deals on EVERYTHING.

So here goes:

Bed frame, mattress and pillowtop: $200
Paint supplies (pear green in LR, santorini blue in BR): $73
Microwave: $50
23" TV/DVD Player: $50
Secondhand IKEA table w/ four multi-colored chairs: $50
Entertainment center: $40
Four (two tall and two small) rice paper lamps: $40
Two dressers with two matching nightstands: $30
(this $30 includes a $5 we feel like we're robbing you blind tip)
Living room end table: $17
Bathroom vanity: $15
3-tier bookcase: $10
...and a full-sized, pull-out couch like the ones our grandmothers used to have: $20

(Mmm. Beige.)

Gratis:
3 decorative lamps
Pop-up kitchen table
Cushioned desk chair
End table
Collection of jars for sugar, sweets, etc.
Two sets of dishes
Matching glassware
Pots/pans collection
Sushi Plates
Knife set
Toaster
Coffeemaker
Napkin holder
Iron/Ironing Board
ALL FREE

Furnishing an apartment for under $600: Priceless.

love,
b&j&s

"the jungle perch"

"Actors - when you want them to say something, they have nothing to say."

I'm sitting in a massive black box space with one old-timer acting as teacher, 3 fellow actors, 5 handheld cameras and about 40 aspiring film directors. I'm sitting there, in a blanket of sweat, presenting a scene from the Layabouts film as part of this I-want-to-be-a-director course on the USC campus. I'm sitting there, with this dude's face popping up on the monitors at the other end of the room, and - well - that dude is me ...

... and this was just the beginning of our long, bizarre, thrilling, fulfilling and all-around exhausting week here in Los Angeles, leading to 8pm bedtimes, endless tape measurements, and the traffic nightmare that was Oscar Night.

WEDNESDAY
Joanna works on her hands and knees, starring in a one-person short film about a woman whose garden is torn apart overnight and decides to rebuild it on her own.

The director pays her $120 in quarters for laundry.

THURSDAY
Joanna and I head out to several auditions:

• J goes gansta in an indie film audition, in which she gets to deliver the line, "You the one who be rockin' them Levi's like they Sean John's..."
  
• B snags a role in Two Face, a student short about two men with two malicious motives
• J's cast in the silent student film Check, revolving around a chess game of love
  
• B's also cast in Clean, a short film about a 17-year-old who may be charged with rape

And, after a battle with the elements - driving through the rain with a near-empty gas tank - Joanna makes it in time for a seminar with One-on-One Productions. She got to chat up and read a scene with casting director Will Stewart, who casts the popular TV shows Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, and Friday Night Lights. Stewart enjoyed Joanna's reading until he found out she was a Tarheels fan (he's a native Duke-r himself), at which point he kicked her to the curb without refunding her $.

On a different note, ex-New-York-roommate Ethan (we'll call him Ethan) and I go to see the acclaimed indie, The Killing of John Lennon, which ends up being a chaotic, character-based mess. We wash down the poor film-making with double cheeseburgers and fries at LA's famous In-n-Out Burger.

FRIDAY
I sit in a Santa Monica Starbucks all morning and wrap up The Reader, Bernard Schlink's unique Holocaust novel, in preparation for the big audition. Afterwards, Justin and I meet up, talk about his upcoming directing project with his production company (check them out at www.acornpictures.com) and play Wii Golf like 6-year-olds on summer vacation.

Meanwhile, Jo teams up with the crew at the LA Film School to film Cabin, a zombie thriller in which Joanna - verbatim - "pees in a bucket in the corner."

B: "You're not getting paid to pee in a pail?"
J: "No - I get meals and credit."
B: "What's the credit? Girl-Who-Pees-in-Pail?"

Onset, Joanna cries on command and is given the glorious nickname The Phoenix. Of course, this inspires all of us in the house to don new nicknames that fit our various personalities.

Brian: The Woodpecker
Brendan: The Pelican Brief
Cooper, Brendan's S.O.: The Seagull
Scooter: The Owl

SATURDAY
Joanna and I wake up CRAZY EARLY. I drop Jo off at the USC campus for a rainy day Check shoot before heading to who-knows-where to audition for The Reader, a staged reading adaptation of the bestselling book. An incorrect address on the audition notice puts me at a construction site on a hill near the Univision headquarters, but thanks to the handy-dandy iPhone, I'm at the ACTUAL location with time to spare. The audition rocked - fingers crossed.

And the BIG news ... Jo and I have found and secured a new apartment!

Blog-Readers: "Ummmm. You just moved into a new apartment."
Me: "Well, we're renting from someone."
Blog-Readers: "Uh-huh."
Me: "So it's not OUR apartment. This will be OUR apartment."
Blog-Readers: "You gettin' an attitude with me?"
Me: "No. No-no, I was emphasizing."
Blog-Readers: "Uh-huh. Smartass."

The new place is, well, down a flight of stairs and about 20 steps to the west. It's apartment 305, and it's cheap, and - even better - it's what we've been looking for.

Our renter has returned to LA much earlier than expected. Turns out a feature-length script of hers ("the female version of Animal House") has received some serious attention and could be picked up and produced! $$$! So she's anxious to get back into her old home and prepare for her incoming paychecks as we get set for our March 1st move down the hall and to the right.

So soon, we know, but SO perfect.

SUNDAY
As most of our furniture is in our apartment in New York, it feels a bit like starting over again, which can be rather expensive and a pain-in-the-butt. So we've been surfing through the Los Angeles Craigslist ads (Don't know Craigslist? Live under a rock? Visit www.craigslist.org), seeking out $30 entertainment centers, $15 pot and pan collections, $20 bathroom vanities and a 4-piece (2-dresser, 2-nightstand) bedroom set for $25. We've zigzagged through local streets for garage sales and torn through the clearance racks at Bed Bath & Beyond, claiming a 10-piece glassware set for $9.98.

Fo' sho'.

Our goal is to furnish the entire place for under $400. No, Moms, we can't make that into a movie, but thanks for thinking of us.

Hope ya'll enjoyed the Oscars. Being the long-time Coen Brothers fan that I am (footnote: see Raising Arizona, see Barton Fink, see Big Lebowski, see Fargo, see O Brother..., see The Man Who Wasn't There), I've been rooting for them for ages and I'm more than thrilled to see them snag the awards. It's long-deserved. Scooter was thrilled too. Silently thrilled.

p.s. Some marvelous unnamed reader caught Scooter's initials at the end of last week's blog ("sg") and asked what Scooter's last name is ...

... well, we adopted Scooter from the folks at the Brooklyn Animal Foster Network. Who knows who named him, but he responded to the name and seemed to like it. Regardless, being parents, we thought we should at least give him a nickname or - better - a middle name. We came up with George. Scooter George.

'til next time,
b & j & sgl-w

"Hello, Police? I think there's a President in my apartment..."

Yes, it's that time again. A time to laugh, to weep, to squawk, smite, shrug, empathize, pasteurize. It's a time to remember what we loved about the old, now long-expired dudes with perfect, parted hair who built this nation on sound principles and morals. And a time to reflect on the more recent ones who didn't even know what -

Well, I'll leave it at that. After all, we're here to celebrate.

HAPPY TAFT DAY!

While Joanna and our dear friend Julie take a luxurious lunch out on the fire escape and have girl-talk, I've been quarantined in the apartment with a Bumblebee tuna sandwich until a new blog's been posted. Cause we've got big news...

Yes, indeed, after much sitting around and checking our watches and cursing the stars, our roommate has arrived! Brendan (we'll call him Brendan) has driven cross-American, checked in, moved in, settled in and built a big white Target shelving unit in the corner, now adorned with books, CD cases, pastel-colored decorative cubbies, a stuffed panda (whose fur is more French Vanilla than pure white) and a **SAFE**.

I do intend, once I've earned his trust, to inquire about the **SAFE**, about the contents of the **SAFE**, and the purpose of the asterisks around and the reason for the random capitalization on the word **SAFE**. Or I could have Jo bust into it with the skills she acquired on the set of CSI: The Video Game. Speaking of which,

HAPPY EISENHOWER DAY!

No, Brendan is not single, ladies, so please practice some restraint.

He too is an actor, relocated from the Big Apple, aiming to strive and starve out here in the Big Peach (the "Big Banana" sounded wrong somehow). Last week, Brendan and his girlfriend Cooper invited Jo and I out for a Valentine's Day Happy Hour at the elegant Edison Hotel. Located downtown, this rockin' joint features 1920s-style decor, overpriced martinis, darkened corners, silent movies projected above our heads and sweet potato fries good enough to bathe in. Speaking of bathing,

HAPPY VAN BUREN DAY!

As far as our ever-changing careers, Joanna had a wonderful audition with the super-selective folks at One-on-One, a group that connects actors with casting agents via workshops and master classes, after which an actress like Jo can sit down with the dude who casts One Tree Hill or the woman who casts Grey's Anatomy and talk to them (here it comes...) One-on-One. It's quite clever.

Meanwhile, having auditioned for a couple projects since last week's well-attended Blog Pity Party, I found out last night that I have been cast in a USC grad film! Layabouts centers around these four college kids, all of them from upper class backgrounds, who are bored to death with their at-their-disposal lives and consider robbing something to spice things up a bit. After much to-and-fro and deliberation on what that "something" will be (humor-humor-humor), the gang decides on a liquor store. Sadly, they find that the liquor store of choice is closed, so - feeling desperate and a bit wired - the group settles for a newsstand, which might have something like thirteen dollars to its name. It's a riot.

I've been cast as Harry, the so-called leader of the group and the brains of the operation (what a stretch!). And with a few more auditions lined up at the end of the week, it seems that the tables have turned and the curse has been lifted. I guess helping that old woman cross the street was worth it after all. And, speaking of old women,

HAPPY JAMES BUCHANAN DAY!

After catching The Bucket List this past weekend, Justin and I passed on our Red Mango Frozen Yogurt (Justin: "Dude, we can't have Red Mango AND beer.") and ventured to Molly Malone's, a well-known hang-out for Irish-blooded LAers, where we ate french fries, checked out a couple bands we'd never heard of, caught a glimpse of The Foo Fighters' lead singer, Dave Grohl, and drank more than our share.

Also on the "exciting" radar ... Jo and I had our first out-of-LA expedition last week. We hopped in the car with the top down and drove to Orange, California, where Jo was scheduled to audition for a student film called Transmission.

Jo: Orange, California? Is that like the O.C.?
Brian: (clueless:) Yup.
Jo: But it's not even close to the water.
Brian: Uh, (still clueless:) this is rural O.C. Rich people who don't like to swim. Like rich farmers. Oil farmers. Like that...

We didn't learn much about Orange, seeing as how we scurried out of there as soon as Jo's Chapman College audition was over, but we did get the gist of their simple suburban existence that in NO WAY resembles the ostentatious, dramatic lives depicted on The Hills.

I insisted on making a pit stop at Knot's Berry Farm, as I had been there as a child but had no recollection of the place whatsoever. We didn't have time to enter the amusement park, per se, but we did appreciate it from outside its cream-colored barricades. There were no berries or farms to be found - false advertise, much? - but we found comfort and cheese bread at a popular, corporate-owned restaurant with a name that was better than the food but that neither of us can seem to remember.

Musical entertainment this week comes from the throaty Willy Mason (If the Ocean Gets Rough) and the folk singer-songwriter Gillian Welch (Time the Revelator), as well as selections from Kings of Leon and Rufus Wainwright's Release the Stars.

And now Joanna and I are off to Starbucks to work (assuming she approves what I've written), and good thing too, cause I'm about through with this third box of conversation hearts...

HAPPY BUSH DAY!

Oy vey.

love,
bpl & jfw & sg

Read this after reading our latest blog...

http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117980463.html?categoryid=1066&cs=1

"I know! It was Joanna, in the parlor, with the salad tongs..."

"...or perhaps it was Brian, in the kitchen, with the lint roller!"

Yes. It's been confirmed. Joanna is now the star of a CSI Video Game! For all those hibernating bears out there, CSI stands for Crime Scene Investigation, and it happens to be a R-rated show (due to sassy crime scene language) on CBS featuring William Peterson and that I-don't-take-no-bull redhead. The game will be released who knows when, and it's bound to be AWESOME. We expect all of our blog enthusiasts to go to amazon.com right this second and purchase the game in advance (just kidding - that's not even possible...).

Shoot locations took Joanna to a $$$$ hotel on Ocean Avenue (I tagged along and read a book on the beach - score!) and a creepy casino 'til 4:30 in the morning. And, thanks to the magic of cinema, Joanna's monologue was shot in front of a green screen, which means that the techies can splice in a digital background image: a room full of snakes a la Indiana Jones, a small town circus, Darfur, etc. Her monologue was so successful (or - strike that - executed so well) that, at the end of her speech, the director turned to the five pompous, sunglassed producers behind him and said,

Director: "Now that's a Tisch education."
Joanna: :)

For the fans of video games out there (and even those who are not but have wonderful imaginations), the casino scene will act as the menu page. In other words, when Chuck - we'll call him Chuck - gets the CSI video game for Hanukkah (Chuck is not tied to any particular religion but celebrates Hanukkah because he's allergic to pine needles) and sticks the CD into his D: drive, this casino scene will pop up. Chuck will see Joanna and her co-actors standing around in the casino, tossing their hair and checking their nails and being "normal" ("normal" at 4:30am, that is). And if Chuck desires, Chuck can click on Joanna's character, and the camera will zoom in on Joanna and go to her green screen monologue, with a Prince of Persia backdrop, accented with Moroccan pillows and rugs and shirtless, chiseled men lying around carelessly, feeding themselves grapes off the vine, or something like that.

So now Joanna's too cool for school, as you can imagine. She drives to Trader Joe's in Lamborghini's that she rents by the hour and gets the peasants to pick the apples for her...

No, not at all. Joanna's the same old Joanna, except she's now an official LA actor with her first paying gig. She's quite the star. We (i.e. I) are/am so proud.

Other than Jo's $ gig, she's been tearing up auditions left and right, reading for the girl next door, the girl who the boys nearly collapse over, and the girl who might have killed what's-her-face. In this town, they call that RANGE.

As for me, I've been finding new modes of entertainment around the house:

1. Teasing Scooter with a string.
2. Watering the plant.
3. Reading a collection of short stories called Bang Crunch.
4. Teasing Scooter with headphones.
5. Showering.
6. Teasing Scooter with Boar's Head deli meat.

While Joanna's been called in 10-12 times since I last checked in here, there have been no auditions for me. And there's no rational explanation. And there's no "fixing" it. After all, there's nothing to fix. It's all a game, in some respects, and part of winning the game is knowing how to stay occupied during the off-season. Sure, it's a bummer, and it does wear on a person's self-worth and self-esteem, but I'm blessed. See, I have Jo to tell me that those little voices in my head are totally bull, and then she takes me out to a vegetarian lunch, and I can't help but smile.

Writing has kept me plenty busy, partly due to our crappy parking situation: I take 8am street cleanings as an opportunity to drive over to Starbucks, park at the cheap meters and write for 2 hours without interruption or distraction. And while I was adventurous this week, testing out the skinny mocha (in essence, a sugar-free cafe mocha), I won't ever get it again, that coffee was foul, I swear, like drinking straight out of the utter, done and done.

Let's pause here for our *Question of the Week*:
Q: Which flavor of Orbit gum does Brian like best?
A: Raspberry Mint, with Mint Mojito a close second.

Joanna and I now use the gym to keep up with the Democratic race, swapping between CNN and MSNBC as we vary the incline on our ellipticals. Although our state favors the Clintons and our Governator endorses McCain (Brian's been working out more often for fear of getting drafted come Nov. '08), we both are Obamans. We support his policies, but more importantly, we subscribe to his all-around positive attitude, his charisma, his innate sense of words and language and his understanding of the American people and his desire to change....

(disclaimer:)

...BUT WE LOVE ALL CANDIDATES. LOVE LOVE LOVE. TO AVOID CONFUSION, OR POLITICALLY INFUSED EMAILS, PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT WE LOVE THEM ALL, ISN'T THAT RIGHT HONEY?

Joanna: We sure as heck do. We love that them there Baptist minister and his little church-going posse. Why, I wish they all could be president together. The priest and the white lady and that black fellow can all shack up in that big ol' White House, like that episode of Three's Company I love so well...or was that Blazing Saddles...?

Brian: (turning to Scooter) Now that's a Tisch education!

(end disclaimer)

No movie recommendations this week, but I have been listening to Iron & Wine's The Shepherd's Dog and the new Sigur Ros 2-disc set, and both come highly recommended to those who appreciate my music taste. We just got home from our local pub, Busby's (our Miracle Mile location pictured at right), where we watched Duke embarrass the Carolina Tarheels (shame, shame, shame). Sadly - because the Lakers game wins the Popular Vote here in midtown LA - we're forced to listen to the game in silence, reading the coaches' lips, interpreting their Scorsese-style mannerisms and whatnot. But no trouble there, as Joanna slams her fists against our corner table at each free throw and knocks over beers in between periods, grabbing the attention of our waitress Chuck (we'll call her Chuck) and our fellow Lakers fans, almost as a declaration, like,

Joanna: "WE DESERVE TO BE HERE, TOO! SO THERE!"
Brian: "Yeah, and I'll take the check, thanks."

Good news - straight from the trenches - is that Jo has a few auditions lined up for the rest of the week and I have one as well! Hers include a Korean mock-umentary (enough said) and another one that (based on the title) is either about 'how well cars drive' or 'what drives our lives' .... we'll keep you updated.

Mine is a USC graduate student film. I'm auditioning for the role of Adam - a kid who grew up on the wrong side of tracks in South Boston. Adam, who's now 24 (but "weathered like 30," the scripts tells us), spent 3 long years in the slammer, and though he wants to "do good," he now finds himself acting as chaperone to an out-of-state drug deal that goes terribly wrong. In my sides - i.e. my audition material - I'm trying desperately to get my friend Deacon off the thinning ice before it cracks while the third member of our blow-dealing crew keeps me at arm's length. Or gun's length. Oh, and his name is Shotgun.

Yes, THIS is my first audition in a week. Beggars can't be choosers. Welcome to LA.

love and hugs and stuff,
b and j and s

Ups and Downs

It's been a busy week at the Leahy/Wilson household! Brian flew to New York over the weekend for the 10th anniversary party for his company. I've heard it was a wet and wild night, full of mani's and pedi's (for the menfolk, of course) and night swimming into the wee hours. I know Brian had a good time, though lack of details have made me a little suspicious...

On my end, I had a nail-biting weekend waiting for a phone call that never came. You see, last week I had an audition for a feature-length film. The production company was a pretty well-put-together team that makes 15-20 films a year -- "B movies", if you will. The audition went way better than expected, and I was extremely excited because -- get this -- it films for 2 weeks in SOUTH AFRICA! Most of you know that S. Africa is one of my favorites places in the world, having spent 10 days there in 2006. I feel such a connection to the country and the people... Needless to say, I've been dying to go back. So to have the opportunity to go for FREE, and actually be PAID to go?! I was beside myself, though I tried not to get my hopes up.

Thursday morning I got a call for a very last minute callback. The director wanted me to read with another guy, to see how we fit together. I rearranged my afternoon to make myself available. Despite waiting for 45 minutes in the production office, the other actor never showed up. They eventually told me to go home, excusing him by saying "well, he's British..." But the casting assistant asked me if I had my passport handy, and to stay by the phone that night. "The director really likes you, its just a matter of getting the producer's approval". I was ecstatic! So I waited...and waited...and waited. I suppose you can see where this is going.

Despite everything he told me, no one from that office ever called me. I've emailed and called them -- nothing. Who knows what happened. Maybe that other actor blew my shot at the role. I don't know. I wished they at least had the nerve to tell me "no" so I didn't have to wait it out. But I guess that's LA for ya!

On the brighter side, I had an audition last week that I had totally forgotten about. It was for Hasbro (the toy company), for a CSI-type interactive video/game. Not a video game, but a game involving a video...I guess. Okay, I suppose I'm not entirely sure what it is. In any case, there is a murder mystery and I auditioned for one of the witnesses of the murder.

When I got to the audition, it turned out the director was the dad of this baby I started taking care of out here! The audition went really well, with great feedback. And on Monday, his wife informed me that I got the job!! It was so cute...she couldn't wait to tell me.

So I have officially booked my first job in LA. The pay isn't much to speak of (a modest day rate) but it is two days of work and a GREAT opportunity. The director is really fabulous, and he used to be one of the biggest casting directors in LA. I'm very excited to work with him.

The project shoots tomorrow and Saturday, so I'll definitely let you all know how it goes. And once I figure out WHAT the game is and the name of it, I'll be sure to pass it along. That way you can all buy the game for Christmas next year and watch my mad interview skills. I didn't do it, I promise!!

Until next time...
JB&S

The Acting Biz 101 (and our tributes to Heath Ledger)

Muchos thanks are due to the folks out there who stick with us each week and tolerate our reckless behavior on this so-called blog. Scooter is thankful, too. High-five!

Now back to us:

Jo and I are teaming up this week for a little thing we'd like to call Acting Biz 101. We've been getting great responses from our little blurbs; most of them come from curious parties, eager to learn about ACTING and what makes it tick. For example:

Crucial Questions We Received This Afternoon via Text Message:
1. Like, is the writer's strike like totally bumming you guys out or what?
2. Can I be an actor?
3. What's Brian's shower gel of choice?

Answers:
1. Yes!
2. Sure!
3. Axe Vice!

But rather than fielding all of those pressing questions uno-a-uno, we thought we'd hit them all at once (or at least over several posts). Fellow thespians, feel free to pass on this one. Here goes:

ACTORS
There are two kind of actors: union and non-union. These are not synonymous with "good and bad," but there are good and bad actors out there, too. More bad than good.

UNIONS
There are three unions to know: SAG (Screen Actors' Guild, i.e. film), AFTRA (American Federation of TV and Radio Artists) and Actors' Equity (which pertains to theater).

SAG
Even if a person is really nice, he/she cannot hop off their couch and join SAG. To become a member, an actor must do one of two things: (a) earn 3 SAG vouchers, which can be earned on movie sets (but are not easy to acquire, by any means); or (b) be "tafted." The Taft Hartley labor law insists that if a non-union actor is given a speaking role in a film (even a one-liner), he/she is eligible to join SAG. There's a fee to join (this fee may spike to nearly $3K by the summer, whoopee!) in addition to annual dues.

ACTORS' EQUITY
AE works similarly - actors must earn points and/or be inducted in. For instance, if Jo was to be cast in Legally Blonde, she would (99% of the time) become eligible on the spot.

AFTRA
...we know much less about, so we're gonna skip this one, don't be offended.

CASTING DIRECTORS (CDs)
CDs are assigned to projects, i.e. Ellen Chenoweth was the CD for Michael Clayton. CDs work on a case-by-case basis.

AGENTS (i.e. Ari Gold on Entourage)
Agents are buddy-buddy with the CDs, assisting them with casting. All actors want a good agent to represent them (but there are a bunch of mediocre agents out there, and there are a handful of scam artists posing as agencies). You hope to build a relationship with an agent - he/she will put their actors' names and faces into the world to help them score auditions and gigs. Agents are also privy to information that actors themselves are not.

A MAJOR MISCONCEPTION:
Getting an agent's a walk in the park.

You've heard the stories on Dateline: an actress - fresh off the bus from Tulsa - goes to Rodeo Drive for the first time. Out of the blue, an agent appears! "I really want to represent you," he tells the starlet. "Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away..."

It isn't the case. Sad but true. Getting an agent is a grueling process and in general a huge pain in the butt. Joanna's freelanced with a couple of them, but there was no interest in "signing" her. An agent won't sign with an actor until he/she is certain that the actor has potential to sell.

WAYS TO BOOK AN AGENT
1. Do a showcase!
Jo and I have done two showcases, both in NY. None of the agents showed a real interest in either of us. But why, you ask? Well, agents see 10-20 showcases a month. Ari Gold and his cronies are looking for the fresh, the new, the sell-able, never settling for less. Most importantly, we don't take it to heart - in most cases, it's not about us, it's about THEM.

2. Ask friends for help.
SO, you got an agent? That's great! Congrats! Anyway you can drop my name, say I'm really well-proportioned and seeking representation? Awesome! Thanks! Oddly enough, this works. Sometimes.

3. PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE.
Keep auditioning, keep attending networking events, keep meeting people, keep a blog.

WAYS NOT TO BOOK AN AGENT
1. Reality TV shows.
2. Knock on their door.
3. Voodoo.

MANAGERS
Managers are great, too - they help keep their actors organized and in shape and offer smart advice. Very simply, they manage their client's career.

ME AND JO AND NON-UNION PEOPLE LIKE US...
Jo and I get our notices about auditions from two online services: LA Casting and Actor's Access - both of which are reliable sources. However, 9 out of 10 notices (because these are Non-Union jobs) are unpaid student films or TV shows like Deal or No Deal seeking enthusiastic audience members. The good work to be had (Domino's pizza commercials, soap operas and feature film auditions) are in the agents' hands. And while Jo and I would have loved to participate (or even audition for) Superbad or Cloverfield or whatever other hit teen action movie comes out next, there's no means of telling where or when those auditions will be held. We sign on to do these "lesser" projects because (a) it's good experience and because (b) we can use the film footage on our reel...

...but that's for a later date. We'll leave it there for Acting Biz 101. We hope this has been enlightening and entertaining.

TEXT MESSAGED COMMENTS WE'VE RECEIVED SINCE WRITING THIS BLOG
1. Brian, get off the couch! Write a screenplay and put Joanna in it and that's it, for chrissake!
2. You two should get on Grey's Anatomy. That show is cute-cute-cute.

Will do. Will do.
love,
b&j&s


BRIAN's TRIBUTE TO HEATH
Yesterday's news struck a chord not only with the film and theater community but with the whole world. I believe Mel Gibson said it best:

"He was just taking off and to lose his life at such a young age is a tragic loss...''

Heath was at the peak of his career, taking on mature roles and standing apart from his peers, working at a level that is un-heard for an actor in his mid-20s. His work alongside Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain (earning an Oscar nod at the age of 26) was remarkable. His skill, professionalism and talent were well beyond his years, as we will surely see in his sure-to-be-stunning portrayal of the Joker in the upcoming Batman film, The Dark Knight. He will be missed.

JOANNA'S TRIBUTE TO HEATH
Waiting for an audition yesterday, I overheard the casting intern chatting on the phone about Heath Ledger's tragic passing. My stomach dropped. No way. Not the Heath Ledger who lived in my neighborhood, who I used to see playing with his daughter at the park, carrying her on his shoulders, unassuming in his shorts and t-shirt. I suppose it's for this reason (and more) that I have taken his death very personally. I must admit, I'm still in complete denial that he's gone. I am mostly baffled by how someone so genuinely talented and sincere, a devoted father and just 28 years old, could be taken from us -- for what seems to be no reason at all.

But Heath will grace us with his talent again this summer, and I look forward to his work. It just goes to show the amazing power of film -- and one of the reasons why I strive to make it my life's work. Heath will be immortalized not only in his loved ones' memories, but in the roles he has created and breathed life into, from one character to the next.